Sometimes, Darwin needs to be more effective.

The title of this post might be confusing to some. Especially if you don't know what the Darwin awards are. Because I’m feeling nice, here's a link to whom Darwin was, and what the Darwin Awards are. Go ahead and read them. I'll wait.

Oh good. You're back. Interesting/entertaining read, eh? Who knew so many people needed to be weeded out of the gene pool?
I work customer service, so I see a lot of these evolution champions. People always tell me it's because I’m not giving them a chance, or that I’m being too hard on them. That's not quite it. It’s just all the good stories I have all involve the dumb ones. They're entertaining. Like this one.

I once got a call from a woman who wanted to have the phone number for the Federal Laboratory where she can have her drugs tested.

After I finished choking on my coffee, I asked her if she could elaborate, maybe just a little.

She had been ordering drugs from an 'on-line chemist' and had developed heavy metal poisoning. She had gone to her family doctor, and he apparently didn't really know what to test for, so this lady figured if the government could just analyze what was in the drugs she was (still) taking, then she could report back to her doctor, and he could run those tests on her.

When I suggested she go to the emergency room, she questioned my sanity. 'But I’ve been to a doctor. He’s useless, and doesn’t know what tests to run to check to see what poisons are in these drugs I’m taking.' I suggested perhaps she speak to a local pharmacist, mayhaps they would have a line on a private lab that she could get her drugs tested at. She could not understand why a pharmacist would know of a lab, and shot down that idea.

She'd had been on the phone all day and no one could help her out. I explained to her that it's usually a bad idea to take internet-scored drugs because the government usually tests supplements for poisons before they’re allowed to be sold in Canada, hence her difficulty in finding a suitable lab through government channels. She though that idea was ridiculous, and then proceeded to tell me how it should be run, and she was going to try her luck with the provincial government.

I really hope she finds what she's looking for. That, and that the next bunch of weird internet pills have the antidote to whatever poisons she had ingested from the last batch.